PERSPECTIVES ABOUT FINANCE IN A MARRIAGE?
HOW DO COUPLES DEAL WITH VARIED WORLD VIEWS AND PERSPECTIVES ABOUT FINANCE IN A MARRIAGE?
1.) It’s normal for married couples to have different views on money management, but if one of them works so hard to earn the family’s income and the other spends like there’s no tomorrow, there can be a big problem there. What is your advice to people who are married to big spenders? Let’s say a husband has just found out that his jobless wife has taken out a huge loan or incurred high credit card balances, or has been hiding bills and shopping around like crazy. How can this situation be best handled? What can the husband do to achieve a compromise? Is it a good idea to confront the wife right away?
A marriage is built on the foundations of respect and regard for each other and the relationship’s well-being. Therefore, the objective is to communicate this in a manner such that both parties embrace a sense of commitment, understanding and discipline in achieving this fundamental objective
- Have an open dialogue on how one person’s over spending affects the overall goals for the future.
- Discuss and come to an agreement to set limits and boundaries on what your family’s realistic spending for the month should be
- Be open and transparent about liabilities, debts, loans with each other such that both of you feel equally accountable and responsible for clearing them with controlled spending
- Set a clear budget for the month on the “necessities” and the “desirables” – set priorities
2.) Is it wise for couples to keep joint or separate accounts? If both couples are earning, for instance, is it good to keep a joint account for their paychecks and monthly bills? Should they agree on a monthly allowance?
It truly depends on the couple and how mindful and responsible they are on spending and expenditures. This decision should primarily be driven by:
- Sense of Responsibilityto keep each other “in the loop” as far as their respective earnings, savings and balances are concerned.
- A sense of commitment to keep each other informed when the accounts are accessed for withdrawals.
- Respect and regard for each other’s earnings
- A shared sense of commitment to controlled spending
- A shared sense of commitment to save for the future
- A transparent and open dialogue between the couple on their earnings and their goals for the future
3.) Based on your experience dealing with couples, who is often the big spender in the marriage, is it the wife or husband? Why? Does family upbringing or culture have something to do with this?
Spending is not necessarily gender based. However, upbringing and outlook towards money and spending in the past can influence their current style of spending. To get to the bottom of this trail and establish a controlled sense of spending, it is important to understand how anindividual views money-
- An object of pleasure?
- An object of power?
- An object that is a status symbol?
- An object of authority?
- An object that makes you “feel and look good”?
- An object that is a source of comfort during times of distress and sadness?
- An object that is respected and treasured?
- An object that is a necessity for survival?
- An object that helps to secure your future?
To be continued ……………………
If you would like to talk, feel free to reach out to us. An LifeWorks therapist would be able to help.
Dr. Naeema Ali trained psychology and social worker students of UAE University. She is actively providing counselling support to cancer patients and their families. She launched an occupational therapy for cancer patients and cognitive behavioural therapy in Tawam.
Due to her continued support in oncology and ongoing support to cancer patients, Naeema received countless awards locally and international to recognize her achievements and skills. She has been invited to participate in various conferences and workshops around the world and invited as a guest speaker in various subjects that covers psychology.
She also joined Al Sayegh Medical Center as a Social Worker, providing comprehensive assessment and treatment services to children and families, in inpatient and/or outpatient settings, and communicates with referral sources as indicated by applying psychometric test, such as IQ Test, MMPI, Wechsler Test for children. Exhibit superior communication skills to uncover complicated mental health issues; develop and recommend treatment plans based on patient needs and diagnosis.
She continued working as a clinical psychologist providing counselling within the multi-cultural environment of the Emirates Airlines for the past 15 years. Her main task is providing mental health support to inflight and ground staff and addresses any problems, anxieties, or job-related stresses that they are dealing with. She uses her findings to help improve processes and behaviors of a patient to maintain a safe environment, to manage stress, overcome trauma, or avoid job-related conflicts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the method Naeema is using to reduce the difficulties, anxieties, and stress that employee faces.
Naeema is also part of “ Shawer ”, the “Seek Our Advice”, and “We Listen To You” program of the Family Development Foundation of Abu Dhabi. The aim of the program was to promote family awareness and support a stable family life. It involves a group of community members who deal with family problems in a positive manner and provide individual and group counseling in social, psychological, and educational areas. They do so in a systematic way according to the needs of community members.
Besides “ Shawer ”, Naeema is also a volunteer of “ Friends of Cancer ” of Sharjah, supporting patients and their families to overcome the multitude psychological difficulties that they are experiencing due to cancer treatment as well as introducing some programs such as health education, self-care and some community programs wherein they can collaborate and share their experiences.
Area of interest:
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Psycho-oncology
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CBT
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Psychometric Assessments
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Children, Adults and Family therapy
Qualification and Membership:
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Psychology graduation from the University of Wisconsin
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Licensed by Community Development Authority
Dr. Mohammed Bardi M.B.B.S, M.D (Psychiatry) has worked under different capacities in clinical and hospital setups in Saudi, USA, and UAE. He comes with over 15 years of experience in mental health. He specifically worked with cases relating to schizophrenic, bipolar disorder, dual diagnosis, major depressive disorder with suicidal risks, anxiety disorders, Intellectual disabilities, Autistic spectrum disorders and attention deficit hyperactivity disorders (ADHD).
Area of interest:
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Mood disorders
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Anxiety disorders
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Improving life skills (social skills, self- esteem, decision making, coping with stress, problem solving, and time management)
Qualification and Membership:
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MBBS COLLEAGUE OF MEDICINE, KING SAUD UNIVERSITY 2003 (KKU).
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY 2007
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ANXIETY DISORDERS WORKSHOP (DIPLOMA), 2010
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA, USA, 2010-2011
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ADDICTION RESEARCH AND MATRIX TRAINING, ISAP, UCLA, LOS ANGELES, CA, USA 2014-2015
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BACHELOR’S DEGREE OF MEDICINE AND SURGERY
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA 2011, 2015
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BETTY FORD CERTIFICATE, ADDICTION PROGRAM 2010
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CDA) Licensed Psychologist
Therapeutic Approach:
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At LifeWorks Holistic Counselling Center Dubai, Dr. Bardi works collaboratively within our expert multidisciplinary team, in treating a wide array of psychiatric conditions including:
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Anxiety disorders
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Substance use disorders
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Mood disorders including depression and Bipolar affective disorders
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Psychotic disorders (Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders)
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Personality disorders
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Cognitive disorders including Dementia
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Learning disabilities (intellectual disability disorders)
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Child and adolescents’ disorders like Separation anxiety disorders, conduct
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disorders and ADHD