13 Warning Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship
Have you ever found yourself in a one-sided relationship where you felt as if you were the one doing all the giving, all the caring, while receiving nothing in return?
If this dynamic sounds familiar, it’s likely you’re trapped in the web of codependency, a pattern of behavior where your self-worth and identity hinges on another’s approval.
Codependency was first defined nearly 50 years ago to describe unhealthy relationships characterized by excessive control or compliance, often with one partner lacking self-sufficiency and autonomy.
The concept was originally conceived in the context of addiction. It helped to explain “enabling” patterns used to ease relationship tension caused by drug and alcohol abuse. We now understand that enabling behaviors (such as rescuing a partner, bailing them out, making and accepting excuses for their behavior, and constantly trying to fix problems) also are common in non-addiction-related codependent relationships.
Through constantly sacrificing for others and ignoring their own needs, codependents find self-esteem by winning a partner’s approval. Because they lack self-worth, codependent people have great difficulty accepting from others.
Codependent personalities tend to attract partners who are emotionally unstable. They may find themselves in relationship after relationship with needy, unreliable, or emotionally unavailable counterparts.
How can you tell if your relationship is unhealthy? Here’s a list of common feelings and symptoms associated with codependency. You may be in a codependent relationship if you identify with any of the following statements:
- You feel as if your life revolves around your partner.
- You cancel plans to accommodate your partner’s whims.
- No matter how hard you try, nothing you do is ever good enough.
- You’re a classic peacekeeper and people-pleaser.
- You’ve found yourself in relationships with addicts, drug users, or have been verbally or physically abused.
- You’re always smiling and try to appear cheery, even when you’re feeling mad or sad.
- You play the role of caregiver in your family or with your partner.
- You feel ashamed about what’s really going on inside your relationship, but keep that secret to yourself.
- You feel trapped in the relationship, but feel that if you did leave, you’d be a horrible person for abandoning your partner
- Your mood is dictated by your partner’s mood and behavior.
- You feel devalued or disrespected in your relationship.
- Anxiety is the emotion you feel most often in your relationship.
- You spend a lot of time trying to conform or balance your partner’s wishes and preferences.
If you see any of these signs of codependency within yourself or your relationship, you’ve taken an important first step in rewiring dysfunctional patterns. Continue to educate yourself about the consequences of remaining in an unhealthy dynamic. By learning to identify and label codependent behaviors, you can begin to deconstruct the entanglement in your relationship.
Remember, healthy love is about creating partnerships that are inter-dependent and characterized by mutual respect and honesty. Recovery is possible through emotional healing and redefining the way you value yourself.
If you would like to talk, feel free to reach out to us. An LifeWorks therapist would be able to help.
Dr. Naeema Ali trained psychology and social worker students of UAE University. She is actively providing counselling support to cancer patients and their families. She launched an occupational therapy for cancer patients and cognitive behavioural therapy in Tawam.
Due to her continued support in oncology and ongoing support to cancer patients, Naeema received countless awards locally and international to recognize her achievements and skills. She has been invited to participate in various conferences and workshops around the world and invited as a guest speaker in various subjects that covers psychology.
She also joined Al Sayegh Medical Center as a Social Worker, providing comprehensive assessment and treatment services to children and families, in inpatient and/or outpatient settings, and communicates with referral sources as indicated by applying psychometric test, such as IQ Test, MMPI, Wechsler Test for children. Exhibit superior communication skills to uncover complicated mental health issues; develop and recommend treatment plans based on patient needs and diagnosis.
She continued working as a clinical psychologist providing counselling within the multi-cultural environment of the Emirates Airlines for the past 15 years. Her main task is providing mental health support to inflight and ground staff and addresses any problems, anxieties, or job-related stresses that they are dealing with. She uses her findings to help improve processes and behaviors of a patient to maintain a safe environment, to manage stress, overcome trauma, or avoid job-related conflicts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the method Naeema is using to reduce the difficulties, anxieties, and stress that employee faces.
Naeema is also part of “ Shawer ”, the “Seek Our Advice”, and “We Listen To You” program of the Family Development Foundation of Abu Dhabi. The aim of the program was to promote family awareness and support a stable family life. It involves a group of community members who deal with family problems in a positive manner and provide individual and group counseling in social, psychological, and educational areas. They do so in a systematic way according to the needs of community members.
Besides “ Shawer ”, Naeema is also a volunteer of “ Friends of Cancer ” of Sharjah, supporting patients and their families to overcome the multitude psychological difficulties that they are experiencing due to cancer treatment as well as introducing some programs such as health education, self-care and some community programs wherein they can collaborate and share their experiences.
Area of interest:
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Psycho-oncology
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CBT
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Psychometric Assessments
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Children, Adults and Family therapy
Qualification and Membership:
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Psychology graduation from the University of Wisconsin
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Licensed by Community Development Authority
Dr. Mohammed Bardi M.B.B.S, M.D (Psychiatry) has worked under different capacities in clinical and hospital setups in Saudi, USA, and UAE. He comes with over 15 years of experience in mental health. He specifically worked with cases relating to schizophrenic, bipolar disorder, dual diagnosis, major depressive disorder with suicidal risks, anxiety disorders, Intellectual disabilities, Autistic spectrum disorders and attention deficit hyperactivity disorders (ADHD).
Area of interest:
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Mood disorders
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Anxiety disorders
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Improving life skills (social skills, self- esteem, decision making, coping with stress, problem solving, and time management)
Qualification and Membership:
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MBBS COLLEAGUE OF MEDICINE, KING SAUD UNIVERSITY 2003 (KKU).
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY 2007
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ANXIETY DISORDERS WORKSHOP (DIPLOMA), 2010
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA, USA, 2010-2011
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ADDICTION RESEARCH AND MATRIX TRAINING, ISAP, UCLA, LOS ANGELES, CA, USA 2014-2015
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BACHELOR’S DEGREE OF MEDICINE AND SURGERY
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA 2011, 2015
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BETTY FORD CERTIFICATE, ADDICTION PROGRAM 2010
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CDA) Licensed Psychologist
Therapeutic Approach:
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At LifeWorks Holistic Counselling Center Dubai, Dr. Bardi works collaboratively within our expert multidisciplinary team, in treating a wide array of psychiatric conditions including:
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Anxiety disorders
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Substance use disorders
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Mood disorders including depression and Bipolar affective disorders
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Psychotic disorders (Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders)
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Personality disorders
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Cognitive disorders including Dementia
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Learning disabilities (intellectual disability disorders)
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Child and adolescents’ disorders like Separation anxiety disorders, conduct
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disorders and ADHD