Anger!
Anger!
By Elmarie van Heerden – LifeWorks Personal Development Trainer
1. Why are some people more prone to anger than others?
People with a low frustration tolerance are more prone to outbursts of anger than others because they do not easily accept anything hindering them to achieve their goals or not having their immediate ‘wants’ met. They have irrational beliefs that it is “awful” if things do not go my way and it is “disastrous” is my goals are not met.
Emotionally intelligent people, however, are more aware of their emotions and know how to deal with it in an appropriate way. They accept that things will not always be as they want it, and although it is unpleasant, it is manageable.
2. Do you think that today’s environment is making people more angry, less patient, or at least less able to control outbursts of rage?
Patience is a skill that needs to be practiced. We don’t need to practice patience anymore because we live in a world of immediate gratification. If we are hungry, we order a take-out; if we want entertainment, it is the push of a button away; if we have a headache, we swallow a pill. We can even have our bodies surgically re-shaped to what we want – it is not necessary to patiently loose weight by eating less and exercise regularly if we can have a tummy tuck! Even the accessibility of information is at our fingertips! Uneasiness and discomfort can be done away with in no time.
3. Also, do you think that the UAE’s expat-dense environment can create stress for people? Eg, learning to accept that things will not always be done in the same way as in your home country, etc!
Living and working in the UAE cause its own unique challenges. If we enter the UAE with the expectation that others will have the same values, social skills and habits as us, we are in for a surprise!
It is stressful and causes frustration to make ourselves understood while talking on the telephone; it is irritating to wait our turn in a queue only to see others push in; road rage is prevalent because of the overload of vehicles and the irresponsible drivers around us – and we can add a lot more to the list of daily frustrations.
The mere fact that we live away from our known environment and many of us lack support systems is in itself, a stressful situation that makes us more prone to respond impulsively to the imperfections we are faced with.
4.Do you think women tend to experience anger differently to men?
Men and women very early in life, learn to identify with the sex roles modelled to them by their parents and significant others. Boys play ‘cowboys and crooks’, are a policeman with a firearm and ‘fights’ in their superman suits while girls nurture their dolls and push them in their prams. The various roles allow for the ways in which anger is expressed.
Hormonal imbalances can cause a woman to behave more aggressive than usual. A well documented case of a woman who killed her husband with scissors in South-Africa, is said to have suffered from severe pre-menstrual tension!
Men are perceived by society as the more aggressive of the sexes.
5.How can someone identify whether they have a more serious anger management problem?
When anger outbursts impacts on one’s general feelings of contentment and when interpersonal relationships are detrimentally affected by anger, it is time to reflect and assess one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviour. It is important to get feedback from people with whom we interact on a daily basis in order to evaluate the frequency and intensity of our anger.
6.What does anger management therapy involve?
*In anger management therapy, the following is dealt with:
*Understanding anger, fury, frustration and calm;
*Identifying the triggers leading to anger;
*Learning to react differently;
*Developing strategies to manage different levels of frustration:
*Challenging our thoughts and learning to think rationally (Rational Behaviour Therapy)
7.Are there any coping mechanisms that can help people not to lose their temper in a stressful situation?
Becoming aware and being mindful of the fact that we always have a choice in how we respond to challenging situations, is empowering. The mother of a very hyperactive little boy can, for instance, one minute yell and scream at him at the top of her voice, claiming that he “drives her mad”; yet she can answer the phone a second later in a calm and controlled tone of voice! No one can frustrate us if we don’t allow it.
We need to learn how to ventilate our frustration in an appropriate way and how to solve problems.
General ways in which we can empower ourselves and prevent outbursts of anger, include the following:
- Identify the triggers that cause anger and frustration.
- Spot the symptoms of feelings of frustration: over thinking, irrational fears, absolutism thoughts etc.
- Reduce stress by managing time, eating well balanced food and drinking lots of water and getting sufficient sleep.
- Talk! Ventilate frustration regularly in a socially acceptable manner.
- Know your goals – what do you want from life?
- De-stress by taking up a new hobby; take time out and laugh! Laughter releases endorphins, the body’s natural pain killer.
- Exercise releases serotonin which is the ‘happy hormone’.
- Be out in the sun for at least 10 – 15 minutes to get sufficient vitamin D.
If you would like to talk, feel free to reach out to us. An LifeWorks therapist would be able to help.
Dr. Naeema Ali trained psychology and social worker students of UAE University. She is actively providing counselling support to cancer patients and their families. She launched an occupational therapy for cancer patients and cognitive behavioural therapy in Tawam.
Due to her continued support in oncology and ongoing support to cancer patients, Naeema received countless awards locally and international to recognize her achievements and skills. She has been invited to participate in various conferences and workshops around the world and invited as a guest speaker in various subjects that covers psychology.
She also joined Al Sayegh Medical Center as a Social Worker, providing comprehensive assessment and treatment services to children and families, in inpatient and/or outpatient settings, and communicates with referral sources as indicated by applying psychometric test, such as IQ Test, MMPI, Wechsler Test for children. Exhibit superior communication skills to uncover complicated mental health issues; develop and recommend treatment plans based on patient needs and diagnosis.
She continued working as a clinical psychologist providing counselling within the multi-cultural environment of the Emirates Airlines for the past 15 years. Her main task is providing mental health support to inflight and ground staff and addresses any problems, anxieties, or job-related stresses that they are dealing with. She uses her findings to help improve processes and behaviors of a patient to maintain a safe environment, to manage stress, overcome trauma, or avoid job-related conflicts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the method Naeema is using to reduce the difficulties, anxieties, and stress that employee faces.
Naeema is also part of “ Shawer ”, the “Seek Our Advice”, and “We Listen To You” program of the Family Development Foundation of Abu Dhabi. The aim of the program was to promote family awareness and support a stable family life. It involves a group of community members who deal with family problems in a positive manner and provide individual and group counseling in social, psychological, and educational areas. They do so in a systematic way according to the needs of community members.
Besides “ Shawer ”, Naeema is also a volunteer of “ Friends of Cancer ” of Sharjah, supporting patients and their families to overcome the multitude psychological difficulties that they are experiencing due to cancer treatment as well as introducing some programs such as health education, self-care and some community programs wherein they can collaborate and share their experiences.
Area of interest:
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Psycho-oncology
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CBT
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Psychometric Assessments
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Children, Adults and Family therapy
Qualification and Membership:
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Psychology graduation from the University of Wisconsin
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Licensed by Community Development Authority
Dr. Mohammed Bardi M.B.B.S, M.D (Psychiatry) has worked under different capacities in clinical and hospital setups in Saudi, USA, and UAE. He comes with over 15 years of experience in mental health. He specifically worked with cases relating to schizophrenic, bipolar disorder, dual diagnosis, major depressive disorder with suicidal risks, anxiety disorders, Intellectual disabilities, Autistic spectrum disorders and attention deficit hyperactivity disorders (ADHD).
Area of interest:
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Mood disorders
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Anxiety disorders
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Improving life skills (social skills, self- esteem, decision making, coping with stress, problem solving, and time management)
Qualification and Membership:
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MBBS COLLEAGUE OF MEDICINE, KING SAUD UNIVERSITY 2003 (KKU).
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY 2007
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ANXIETY DISORDERS WORKSHOP (DIPLOMA), 2010
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA, USA, 2010-2011
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ADDICTION RESEARCH AND MATRIX TRAINING, ISAP, UCLA, LOS ANGELES, CA, USA 2014-2015
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BACHELOR’S DEGREE OF MEDICINE AND SURGERY
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA 2011, 2015
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BETTY FORD CERTIFICATE, ADDICTION PROGRAM 2010
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CDA) Licensed Psychologist
Therapeutic Approach:
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At LifeWorks Holistic Counselling Center Dubai, Dr. Bardi works collaboratively within our expert multidisciplinary team, in treating a wide array of psychiatric conditions including:
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Anxiety disorders
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Substance use disorders
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Mood disorders including depression and Bipolar affective disorders
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Psychotic disorders (Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders)
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Personality disorders
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Cognitive disorders including Dementia
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Learning disabilities (intellectual disability disorders)
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Child and adolescents’ disorders like Separation anxiety disorders, conduct
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disorders and ADHD