We are our own best fortune tellers.
We are our own best fortune tellers.
You may predict that an assignment you are working on will turn out great and feel confident in your ability to foresee the future once your hard work pays off. Alternatively, you might expect that a presentation you must give will go terribly and feel no surprise when you stutter and forget content. These instances might mislead you into thinking that you know yourself and your abilities well (which may also be true), but before definite conclusion, take into consideration effects that expectations have on your behaviour.
When our beliefs and expectations influence our behaviour at the subconscious level, we fall under the phenomenon called a “self-fulfilling prophecy”. Self-fulfilling prophecy may sound mystical but there is nothing mystical about. It is a concept perfectly explainable by basic psychological and social laws. It comes true because we are acting as it is already true. Our expectation that we will see a particular outcome changes our behaviour, which shapes the way we and others perceive ourselves. In turn, others provide the feedback we have set ourselves up to get, which serves to reinforce the original belief.
First, let me give a simple example, devoid of any kind of social influence. How many times did a thought pass through you head that something will fall out of your hand just a second before it fell out? It is a right thing to ask whether it would have fallen out if we hadn’t thought about falling out beforehand? Probably not. By thinking about potential “falling out” your attention shifted to an automatic activity you do routinely (holding items). Our organism can do many complex actions without conscious attention. However, when paying attention to a routine activity, our mind receives signal that something is wrong and that additional activation, strain or caution is needed. That extra moment is a moment that confuses our brain and body so that an item falls out of our hand.
Including social factors, our experience gets more complicated. As kids we receive feedbacks that are evaluations about ourselves and our behaviour. In relation to that feedbacks we learn to make conclusions about ourselves and the world. If adults praise the kid, it is easier for him to believe that he is valuable, and that world is not a bad place to live in. Others may have complete opposite experience growing up and live with the idea that life hurts and they are not good enough to deal with that. Once we decide about ourselves, others, and the world, later in life we do think and behave in a certain way trying to justify and confirm our learnings. We do that by (unconsciously) deciding to be optimists, see good in everything, setting realistic goals and working around circumstances to achieve them. Then we march as winners. “Loser’s” life stories build up the same way but by opposite principles. For them is easy to get into dark cognition: “I’m not capable of success”, “Bigger goals are unreachable”, “I was given only bad opportunities”. People with beliefs like this are likely to unconsciously reject every good opportunity that comes their way, not strive to create opportunities themselves and sabotage themselves on the way of success. Failure will easily fit into that basic experience sounding something like this: „You see, nothing goes well for me, I’m bad and this world is so cruel to me!”.
Going to the party where you expect to meet a lot of unknown people can have different outcome for your experience of that party regarding of for initial attitude. If you believe you don’t make good impression on people, or expect lousy interactions, you are likely to enter that party acting awkward and anxious. By your acting unapproachable, people there are likely ignore you or interact with you with less enthusiasm, which in turn reinforces the belief that you are not good in interacting with strangers. If, by contrast, you enter the party expecting to make new friends, act curious and engaging, it will result in people responding to you amiably and you may indeed make new friends.
A good example is a child who recently moved to a new school. Child’s beliefs that he or she is unlikeable and incapable of making new friends, whether true or not, affect the way child acts while in school. A child acting shy will prevent other kids to approach him or her. In this scenario, the new child inevitably fulfils his or her own prophecy of other children treating them.
A student’s thinking he is not smart enough to pass the subject will produce anxiety before solving tasks. Anxiety acts to interfere with concentration and functioning of the working memory. That is, performance on the job impairs. As anxiety is perceived as a manifestation of minor abilities, his initial recognition is confirmed. Studying requires work and effort to succeed in it.
Examples that confirm power of expectations can be found in every single field of our lives. We all live somewhat self-fulfilling prophecy (which does not have to be necessarily negative). Problems arise when it comes to beliefs that are of great importance to the well-being of a person (e.g. family, love, friendship, parenthood, etc.). Self-fulfilling schemes are most commonly born in childhood, and to change them precondition is their recognition.
If you have impression that things do not go your way, you give up too easily, don’t have enough energy or faith in yourself, and that others are doing better, remember that it is not about bad karma or lucky stars. All the decisions, even ones that we live by unconsciously, are possible to change. To be successful in something, it is necessary to gradually build the “I can do it” confession. Alone or with someone’s help.
Take a moment for introspection. What are the ways that self-fulfilling prophecies operate in your life? What is holding you back?
If you would like to talk, feel free to reach out to us. An LifeWorks therapist would be able to help.
Dr. Naeema Ali trained psychology and social worker students of UAE University. She is actively providing counselling support to cancer patients and their families. She launched an occupational therapy for cancer patients and cognitive behavioural therapy in Tawam.
Due to her continued support in oncology and ongoing support to cancer patients, Naeema received countless awards locally and international to recognize her achievements and skills. She has been invited to participate in various conferences and workshops around the world and invited as a guest speaker in various subjects that covers psychology.
She also joined Al Sayegh Medical Center as a Social Worker, providing comprehensive assessment and treatment services to children and families, in inpatient and/or outpatient settings, and communicates with referral sources as indicated by applying psychometric test, such as IQ Test, MMPI, Wechsler Test for children. Exhibit superior communication skills to uncover complicated mental health issues; develop and recommend treatment plans based on patient needs and diagnosis.
She continued working as a clinical psychologist providing counselling within the multi-cultural environment of the Emirates Airlines for the past 15 years. Her main task is providing mental health support to inflight and ground staff and addresses any problems, anxieties, or job-related stresses that they are dealing with. She uses her findings to help improve processes and behaviors of a patient to maintain a safe environment, to manage stress, overcome trauma, or avoid job-related conflicts. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is the method Naeema is using to reduce the difficulties, anxieties, and stress that employee faces.
Naeema is also part of “ Shawer ”, the “Seek Our Advice”, and “We Listen To You” program of the Family Development Foundation of Abu Dhabi. The aim of the program was to promote family awareness and support a stable family life. It involves a group of community members who deal with family problems in a positive manner and provide individual and group counseling in social, psychological, and educational areas. They do so in a systematic way according to the needs of community members.
Besides “ Shawer ”, Naeema is also a volunteer of “ Friends of Cancer ” of Sharjah, supporting patients and their families to overcome the multitude psychological difficulties that they are experiencing due to cancer treatment as well as introducing some programs such as health education, self-care and some community programs wherein they can collaborate and share their experiences.
Area of interest:
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Psycho-oncology
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CBT
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Psychometric Assessments
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Children, Adults and Family therapy
Qualification and Membership:
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Psychology graduation from the University of Wisconsin
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Licensed by Community Development Authority
Dr. Mohammed Bardi M.B.B.S, M.D (Psychiatry) has worked under different capacities in clinical and hospital setups in Saudi, USA, and UAE. He comes with over 15 years of experience in mental health. He specifically worked with cases relating to schizophrenic, bipolar disorder, dual diagnosis, major depressive disorder with suicidal risks, anxiety disorders, Intellectual disabilities, Autistic spectrum disorders and attention deficit hyperactivity disorders (ADHD).
Area of interest:
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Mood disorders
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Anxiety disorders
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Improving life skills (social skills, self- esteem, decision making, coping with stress, problem solving, and time management)
Qualification and Membership:
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MBBS COLLEAGUE OF MEDICINE, KING SAUD UNIVERSITY 2003 (KKU).
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY 2007
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ANXIETY DISORDERS WORKSHOP (DIPLOMA), 2010
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA, USA, 2010-2011
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ADDICTION RESEARCH AND MATRIX TRAINING, ISAP, UCLA, LOS ANGELES, CA, USA 2014-2015
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BACHELOR’S DEGREE OF MEDICINE AND SURGERY
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ARAB BOARD OF MEDICAL SPECIALTIES IN PSYCHIATRY
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ADDICTION FELLOWSHIP UCLA 2011, 2015
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BETTY FORD CERTIFICATE, ADDICTION PROGRAM 2010
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CDA) Licensed Psychologist
Therapeutic Approach:
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At LifeWorks Holistic Counselling Center Dubai, Dr. Bardi works collaboratively within our expert multidisciplinary team, in treating a wide array of psychiatric conditions including:
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Anxiety disorders
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Substance use disorders
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Mood disorders including depression and Bipolar affective disorders
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Psychotic disorders (Schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders)
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Personality disorders
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Cognitive disorders including Dementia
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Learning disabilities (intellectual disability disorders)
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Child and adolescents’ disorders like Separation anxiety disorders, conduct
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disorders and ADHD